Some cool vacation village images:
Quiet Village ...item 3.. Breathing Space - How to tell your spouse you need some private time, alone (July 11, 2012 / 21 Tammuz 5772) ...
Image by marsmet541
The need for privacy, for breathing space, is deep and primal. It’s not something you can be talked out of or learn to live without – without a psychic toll. It isn’t that private people don’t enjoy conversation, socializing, working and playing with others.
Those who enjoy privacy are not necessarily reclusive hermits or serial killers, not loners on the outer edges of society.
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........***** All images are copyrighted by their respective authors ........
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As soon as the flight attendant left, she told her husband that for 32 years she heard the same stupid joke and she’s sick and tired of it. “Why don’t you just shut your mouth for once?” she asked.
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.....item 1).... aish.com .... www.aish.com/f/m ... HOME FAMILY MARRIAGE ...
How to Stop Fighting ...
Four ways for couples to create an atmosphere of peace.
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img code photo ... How to Stop Fighting
media.aish.com/images/HowToStopFighting230x150-EN.jpg
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July 31, 2011 / 29 Tammuz 5771
by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff
www.aish.com/f/m/How_to_Stop_Fighting.html
I settled into my window seat on the Jetblue flight and noticed that the two seats beside me remained vacant. The doors were ready to be closed and I welcomed the quiet time alone for the next few hours.
Just when I thought I had the entire row to myself, in walked a distinguished looking couple. Of course their seats were the ones I had happily thought of as my in-flight office space. They settled in and put their bags in order.
This won’t be too bad, I thought to myself.
I was wrong.
As the flight attendants were giving their instructions the couple called everyone they knew with news of their departure.
“We’ll be staying in our vacation home for a month!” they said over and over.
We were told that all phones must be turned off but the husband just kept on making his calls as his wife put away her cell.
“You need to turn that off,” she said.
He ignored her and just kept on making his calls.
Finally, she grabbed the phone out of his hand.
“What did you do that for?” he hissed angrily.
And then the fighting began.
We forget all that we have to be grateful for and focus instead on what drives us crazy.
The next few hours all I heard was constant bickering. It didn't matter what it was about – everything sparked a fight: the flight attendant offering drinks, the wife's sandwiches, what they were reading.
As he was being served snacks, he turned to me and made a joke. "I’ve been married for 32 years and never won an argument. You know why? She never lets me get a word in.” He laughed at his clever words.
As soon as the flight attendant left, she told her husband that for 32 years she heard the same stupid joke and she’s sick and tired of it. “Why don’t you just shut your mouth for once?” she asked.
I wondered how on earth this couple would manage spending a month together in a vacation home and how their children must feel when they have family time.
I was reminded of a young mother who once confided to me that whenever she and her husband got into the car, their discussions often became heated. Their child was just an infant so they did not think much of it. The baby grew into a toddler but still, their car rides were often filled with arguments carried over from home. One day, their toddler put his hands over his ears and gave a shriek.
“Stop fighting!” he cried out. “Mommy, Daddy, stop!”
Husband and wife looked at each other, ashamed.
Related Article: Hooray for Fighting!
------ Creating an Atmosphere of Peace
Marriage is hard. We have dreams of living happily ever after as we stand beneath the chuppah, but life is filled with unknown challenges. We neglect to appreciate each other. We lose the sense of newness as days become months and months become years. As time passes, we fall into habits of squabbling and arguing; we undercut the love that we have for each other. Half the time we don’t even know what we were fighting about, we just know that we are not talking….again. We forget all that we have to be grateful for and focus instead on what drives us crazy.
Our children pick up on the constant undercurrent of conflict. Their sense of security and belonging is threatened.
Part of being a family is feeling loved and appreciated. When we spend time together, we want to know that we are part of a strong family unit; we enjoy each other’s company. Sure there are ups and downs, but bottom line is we are family. We want our children to treat each other with respect and live with loyalty to one another. Which parent does not feel aggravated when siblings constantly argue and put each other down?
One of the best ways for us to teach our children to cherish each other is by being a living example ourselves. There will be times that spouses disagree, have conflicts and differences of opinion. But then we must ask ourselves how we go about resolving our discord.
Do we put each other down? Are we sarcastic? Do we yell and scream? Are we open to listening and hearing the opinion of another? Do we disagree respectfully?
You may be thinking that this is impossible, part of an old idealized sitcom but not real for today’s family.
Not true. Peace is in our hands. Creating an atmosphere of shalom should be the goal of every couple. (Of course I am not speaking about an abusive or unhealthy relationship).
-------- What can we do to build an atmosphere of dignity and respect in our homes?
1) ......Resolve never to yell and scream at each other, especially in front of the children.
Children often blame themselves for parent’s conflict. They also try to fix the situation and feel responsible for the fighting. Hostilities erode a child’s self-confidence and make him feel that he belongs to a ‘loser’ family.
2).......Disagree with respect.
If we do have a conflict of opinion, why must we put each other down? We have an opportunity to teach our children that we can love each other despite our differences. A child can learn that we can express our opinions without breaking up our family. Eliminate patterns of anger and sarcasm. If you feel that you are losing control, stop! Say that you need to take a breather. Go into another room or take a walk if you must. We do not have to turn each conflict into a major war zone.
3)......Find your inner strength.
It’s easy to say “I can’t control my temper; my parents never controlled themselves either.” That’s just a cop-out. There have been times that you have controlled yourself because you knew that you could not lose it in public or in front of your boss. Find that inner voice and use it. Ethics of the Father’s teaches: “Who is strong? He who subdues his personal inclinations.”
4).......Allow your children to see resolution.
Often our children know about our conflicts but we neglect to show them our feelings of love for each other. Even if it’s just a warm smile or “I’m so happy you’re home”; we’ve made an impact. Children learn how to love from our example. Try to express gratitude to your spouse. Appreciate the little things that often go overlooked.
Our homes can become the greatest source of joy for us and for our children. We do not have to battle each other even if we disagree. The choice is ours.
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.....item 2).... youtube video ... Martin Denny "Quiet Village" from Hawaii Calls ... 4:15 minutes
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJK2LwD_nEY
Here's a rare clip of Martin Denny and his group playing their most popular tune, "Quiet Village", on Webley Edwards "Hawaii Calls".
Category:
Music
Tags:
exotica hawaii martin denny lounge music space age pop piano
License:
Standard YouTube License
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.....item 3)..... aish.com ... www.aish.com/f ... HOME FAMILY MOM WITH A VIEW
Breathing Space
How to tell your spouse you need some private time, alone.
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img code photo ... Breathing Space
media.aish.com/images/MomBreathingSpace230x150-EN.jpg
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July 11, 2012 / 21 Tammuz 5772
by Emuna Braverman
www.aish.com/f/mom/Breathing_Space.html
Apparently, having enough space, or privacy, in a relationship is even more important to a couple’s happiness than a good intimate life (Wall Street Journal 06/19/12). It doesn’t get as much attention as the latter but it is actually a very strong need that, if unattended to, can wreak havoc with a couple’s marital bliss.
In a story cited in the article, a married woman discovered a receipt for a late lunch at a waterfront restaurant during a time her husband said he was working. Alarm bells went off and she imagined the worst. But it wasn’t what she expected. Her husband just needed some time alone.
You’d think that telling her directly would have been the simpler route. Why cause that needless worry and anxiety? But it’s not that easy to tell our partners that we need space. It can sound hurtful. It can seem rejecting.
It takes confidence and strength to recognize your spouse’s need and allow him or her to satisfy it – without you.
Some people crave privacy more than others. For those who do, being around people, even family that they love, can seem suffocating. It makes them feel like they can’t breathe (like I said, suffocating). But how do you tell that to a beloved wife or husband? How can they understand that it’s about you and not them?
The need for privacy, for breathing space, is deep and primal. It’s not something you can be talked out of or learn to live without – without a psychic toll. It isn’t that private people don’t enjoy conversation, socializing, working and playing with others. Those who enjoy privacy are not necessarily reclusive hermits or serial killers, not loners on the outer edges of society.
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They are you and me, people who get rejuvenated and replenished by a little alone time.
And that is, of course, the way to explain it to our spouses. “I will be a better wife to you after this time alone.” “I will be a more attentive husband if you give me a little break,” “This isn’t about time away from you; this is about enjoying our time together more.” It requires tact, thoughtfulness and sincerity. We must choose our words carefully. But we can’t ignore this basic need. If we do, we will end up suffering – and so will everyone around us!
Don’t feel guilty. You’re not harming your spouse; you’re improving your marriage.
When my friend built a new home, she created that room for herself that we all dream of, her retreat away from the chaos and demands of her family. It’s a small space with a comfy flowered sofa and a cozy pink lamp, a feminine oasis. I want one too!
But while we can’t all literally have that room, many of us do need to create that space. We shouldn’t feel guilty. We are not harming our spouses; we are improving our marriages. We shouldn’t be embarrassed by our need for privacy. We shouldn’t sneak around and foster unwarranted suspicion. Sometimes my husband just needs to go walk on the beach by himself and clear his head. I’m glad that when his cell phone is turned off I know where he is and why. We need to be straightforward and specific about our needs. “I need an hour to wind down before dinner.” “Would you mind if I went out for a few hours by myself after I put the kids to bed?”
And, with all that said, we still need to remember to devote most of our time and energy to our marriages and our time with our spouses, not apart from them.
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Fishing village in Spain
Image by freddy
This is on the Atlantic coast in Northern Spain. I forget the name of the village, but I will look it up. It was a beautiful, sunny evening.
RCP-1977-065
Image by Paul-W
Horse riders go by the cottage at Fontana Village. 1977. Gretchen is reading in the lower right corner. Great Smoky Mountains.
